Regretting Regret (or something along those lines)
I’ve been trying to live life without regret for a few years now. I think it might have finally caught up with me. It has taken an odd twist of circumstance, but to quote the infamous V: “I ,like God, do not play at dice, nor do I believe in coincidence.” So circumstances have led me to conclude that perhaps Regret is not Anathema, but a desire to be more than the sum of our failures and inadequacies. A continuing quest for a ‘pure’ experience however unattainable it might be for man. That no matter how deep you bury emotion or suspicion (I can bury both VERY deep), it WILL come to you and you WILL face the reaction and results. Not in an ethereal “judgement day” sometime/where, but a very real evocation of feeling and an internal reckoning of what has transpired and why. You will never be able to grow past any actions you’ve buried until you’ve faced them full on and acknowledged the impact and import of each and every one. (and by “you” I mean “I” of course)
The Past can be a knife
Slicing at your present
Hemorrhaging your future
The Past can be a net
Holding you rooted
Restraining you with fear
The Past can be an altar
Stealing your first-stillborn
Burning your Dreams
The Past can be a treasure
Lighting your now
Providing for your then
The Past can be a many things
It is Anathema
It is Life
It is lens you look through
To see the world you’ve made
The Past can be a knife
Slicing at your present
Hemorrhaging your future
The Past can be a net
Holding you rooted
Restraining you with fear
The Past can be an altar
Stealing your first-stillborn
Burning your Dreams
The Past can be a treasure
Lighting your now
Providing for your then
The Past can be a many things
It is Anathema
It is Life
It is lens you look through
To see the world you’ve made
posted by Erros | 10:54 AM
5 Comments:
I told you I would visit your blog and explain more. Here is how I picked up how you feel.
You say
The Past can be a knife
Slicing at your present
Hemorrhaging your future
The Past can be a net
Holding you rooted
Restraining you with fear
The Past can be an altar
Stealing your first-stillborn
Burning your Dreams
The Past can be a treasure
Lighting your now
Providing for your then
The Past can be a many things
It is Anathema
It is Life
It is lens you look through
To see the world you’ve made
Out of the entire poem, about 11 sentances are negative towards a past. This leads me to believe you either have a negative outlook on "pasts" in general or your own, but seeing as how you wrote this for yourself then it would mean most likely you have a negative outlook on your own past.
There are about 3 positive sentances about your past which leads me to believe that you were in fact acknowledging that the past can be good, and beneficial.
But the last sentance was the dead give away and I don't even know what Anathema means. You say "It is Life
It is lens you look through
To see the world you’ve made"
So if I take that last sentance you are saying that you realize you make the life you live in, but you have no sentances or descriptions about acting upon the past, or learning yet. Just that you can see how your past created your future....
...just my thoughts!
Your Friend,
Kristina
weazels- this was part 2 of a conversation via our MySpace account, so that's why I was writing this...
another thing, "M" you know that I am not being negative right? Just finishing our conversation from earlier....
Hey Weazel,
welcome! the words can go both ways... it was actually intended to convey both ideas that you and kili are talking about. Kili and I were discussing about it earlier and I was surprised at how accurately she gauged my actual feelings at the time i wrote it... so she's explaining why she wrote what she did. Besides I read somewhere that once a writer publishes then what they "intendended" actually becomes, not irrelavant, but immaterial to how others take meaning from your words. So really it doesn't matter what I MEANT to say, what's most important is what the words invoke in you ;) They seem to have accomplished what I intended :) but it will be different for everyone as they bring their own "Pasts" to the poem.
-matt
PS Yeah K. I gotcha, btw my name is on the blog so it's okay to say Matt ;)
You say "intendended" actually becomes, not irrelavant, but immaterial to how others take meaning from your words. So really it doesn't matter what I MEANT to say, what's most important is what the words invoke in you ;)
Good point, I hadn't thought of that. I suppose that's why certain songs for instance, speak to different people. Most likely not because of what the writers story is, but the way they relate.
But you are my friend, so I wasn't reading it to see what I got out of it, except to try to find out what you were saying and feeling. I guess I kind of figured it out partially! lol
Did my explanation make sense?
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